I really struggled with wanting my Starbucks drink today, but also knowing that in my quest to calm my mind that drinking a caffeine drink before heading out to meditate wasn't the best idea. I saved it for after :-).
I used a different timer on my phone today and it worked a bit better than yesterday. I set my alarm for 30 minutes and got back to my start point at almost 40 minutes. The time really seems to move quickly. Today I only did 4 back and forth trips while yesterday I did 5.
Today my focus was a bit more external... while trying to pull it internal. So I just worked with it. The sun was shining brightly. So I breathed in a lot of sunshine. The wind was blowing briskly... I let it blow my stress away as I exhaled. This is really hard for me. I'm hoping with practice it will become a bit easier to let stress flow into and out of me without taking up residency.
I'm feeling my stress heavily in my chest these days. A tightness that I am not accustomed to. I held my heart for awhile today. Focusing on that stress and breathing it away. I needed that today.
I've set up a date day for Mickey and I tomorrow. I think he invited Lisa along. It made me angry. Why would he invite somebody else to a date I set up? Without even mentioning it to me first? Lisa has been in Korea for 2 years, so on a big level I get it. I'd love to hang out with her too. I don't think he realizes how important tomorrow is for me. How this is me, in the only way I know how making room for us. I really want to have some fun with him. It's been a really long time- especially with no kids in tow. I hope this doesn't become an issue... I worked hard to let the anger go today and accept that we will have fun- third person or not.
I used a different timer on my phone today and it worked a bit better than yesterday. I set my alarm for 30 minutes and got back to my start point at almost 40 minutes. The time really seems to move quickly. Today I only did 4 back and forth trips while yesterday I did 5.
Today my focus was a bit more external... while trying to pull it internal. So I just worked with it. The sun was shining brightly. So I breathed in a lot of sunshine. The wind was blowing briskly... I let it blow my stress away as I exhaled. This is really hard for me. I'm hoping with practice it will become a bit easier to let stress flow into and out of me without taking up residency.
I'm feeling my stress heavily in my chest these days. A tightness that I am not accustomed to. I held my heart for awhile today. Focusing on that stress and breathing it away. I needed that today.
I've set up a date day for Mickey and I tomorrow. I think he invited Lisa along. It made me angry. Why would he invite somebody else to a date I set up? Without even mentioning it to me first? Lisa has been in Korea for 2 years, so on a big level I get it. I'd love to hang out with her too. I don't think he realizes how important tomorrow is for me. How this is me, in the only way I know how making room for us. I really want to have some fun with him. It's been a really long time- especially with no kids in tow. I hope this doesn't become an issue... I worked hard to let the anger go today and accept that we will have fun- third person or not.
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